Tuesday, August 14, 2012

These are sad days for me...

Today was not my best day. I worked from home today (PHNP -Job #2) and I slowly cleaned my house during my breaks. I need to have a clean work space to have organized thoughts.

 A person who has seizures is recommended not to drive. I somehow felt that my situation is quite different and I got the courage to pick up my keys and drive to work (CSULB Center for Latino Community Health - Job #1) today. As I drove I felt weird about it and my gut told me that maybe I shouldn't be driving, but I decided to drive anyway....

At work I spoke to one of my friend's who had epileptic as a child and she listened to me empathically. Talking with her I wanted to cry, but I just didn't want to seem weak so I held back the tears. She advised me that I shouldn't drive, at least for this next week. I spoke to my supervisor and she told me that it would be okay to take some time off or work from home this week or work from home.

At the end of the day as I drove home last night I felt nervous and I felt my head hurting a little. I don't know if I was imagining it or if it was real, but I took that as a sign that I should not be driving. Tomorrow I have a friend picking me up and driving us to school in my car and driving back. I will talk talk to my supervisor and bring back work tomorrow.

I just feel so sad. It's hard to describe why I feel sad. I guess it's because I know there is something in my brain that should not be there. I also wonder if that explains why I have not been so successful in school-- why I have a hard time learning complex material and sometimes easy material. I wonder if that's what prevented me from doing well, my lack of motivation and poor focus all these years.

Bret is now going to bed and has asked me to go to bed with him. I don't want to be here all alone feelign sorry for myself so I'm going to go lie down now. Good night.

Health, Joy, Peace and Love,


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