"Are you excited for your wedding?"

"Are you excited for your wedding?" is a constant question I get asked these days. The answer of course is, "Yes!" with a big smile on my face.

I have noticed, however, that I am not all jumpy about it. I am not like "OMG, I'm so nervous..." or "I'm going crazy", or "things are not ready!" I calmly say, "I think everything is pretty much taken care of." Though in reality, I still have a few things to knock down, like the wedding favors, name and table cards for the most part everything good. Sure, I don't know how I'll do my own hair and make-up, but that's okay, I am not worried about it. I know I will still look great, especially because I think happiness, confidence and love radiate from within. Planning a wedding should be stress free. Having a small wedding was great decision Bret and I made.

I tell people I am very excited, but I do so in a calm way. In a way that got kind of got me thinking, Do I not look as excited? Do people think I am not exited? But I am, I am just calm about it, I am loving each and every day until my wedding day.

Today at work, some colleagues were asking me questions about my wedding and yeah, I shared, but not as much (I don't think). Sometimes I don't like sharing too much about myself, I try not to. Not because I am trying to hide or pretend I 'm someone I'm not (I believe in being transparent with the world) but because I've been practicing being an active listener as opposed to a talker. I realize I don't like talking about myself too much. I'm trying not to be as self-centered and take the conversation, attention away from me.

Anyway, I don't know if in today's conversation I did not seem as excited...But as I was driving home, I realized that the way I react to the wedding is not about the wedding itself. It is not about the actual event. I know my wedding will be beautiful, the ceremony will be memorable in such a beautiful place and I will be surrounded by the people I love the most...But it is still NOT about the wedding. It is about my marriage to my best friend. It is about us sharing our lives together full of unconditional love, friendship, honesty, loyaly, and support.

I think I've done at great job in not getting lost in the wedding planning. Since the day Bret proposed to me (February 18th, 2012) our relationship has improved dramatically. There is something about "knowing" all the time that I am marrying him,  that in spite it all he loves me and wants to be with me the rest of his life. And just knowing that we are a family each time we are together has made me a more loving partner.Of course, "knowing" actually translates into being self-aware of my emotions and feelings and being in control of the situation.

Bret is just so amazing. I am in love with him. I don't think I share this enough with people. When people ask about the wedding, I give them answers, but the reality is that I am much more excited to spend the rest of my life with Bret. I am marrying him for an infinite number of reasons - but I don't think people know that because I don't talk about it. And maybe, for the most part, people put more focus on the wedding, the event - not on the fact that two people are in love.
 
Bret is unique, one of a kind. He has a heart of gold and a spirit thatis so wise and loving.  I feel so fortunate to have him in my life, just how a woman should feel when she knows "he is the one."  I am sure that our relationship will continue to grow-- it grows every day because we both put in the work. It's about being self-aware and showing love every day in every way. I am ready, I am ready to do this: enter the next stage in my life with him. Bret and I are becoming one.

Love,

Bea