During that time something was happening inside me that lowered my energy and self-confidence. I was 135 lbs and although I was close to many of my girlfriends at the time, I felt lonely. I didn't feel like going out anymore. In fact, I clearly remember the last night I went out clubbing with he girls. I was sick of it. That night, I knew the party scene was no longer for me. What made me feel this way too, was the fact that the guy I had dated the previous summer--and whom I (thought) was in love with -- was not around anymore. I knew I had been living in a fantasy for many months, but I still had hopes that it would work it.
In January 2008, I would spend my Friday nights' in my undergrad statistics class and then studying at a coffee shop. I would come home afterwards to my house (I was living with my parents at the time) and just collapse and tell my mom how sad I was because I had not met the love of my life. Each morning, all day and even and at work I felt like the woman in "Just Another Day" (by Paul McCartney). Although my job as a health educator was rewarding, I was not able to share the joys of my connection with the Latino community with anyone.I just felt sad and alone.
I was tired of playing trial and error with the wrong guys. Thank God I never had crazy relationships that scarred me for life. But I was always looking foe more. I was always in the search of my dream man. In each of my previous relationships I always was the one to give the most. Yes, in the end of them I was the one who walked away with pride, knowing that I deserved more that what I got. My self-love grew more and more from each relationship.
Four years ago, on Sunday, February 10th, 2008, I created an account on OkCupid.com, an on-line dating website. I uploaded the my cutest pictures, described myself and who I was looking for. I answered questions (quizzes) and checked a few boxes that best described my preference in dating. I finished, then went to sleep.